My name is Halo and I was a naughty boy! I got covered in mud and my mom had to wash me! I didn’t like it one bit!
The woman had to carry me to the couch the other day. I fell in the kitchen and I could not stand back up. I tried and tried but my legs would not work properly.
I was so humiliated to be carried like a helpless puppy! But I am grateful she took me to the couch- what kind of dog wallows around on the kitchen floor?
The humans are playing dirty tricks. They are moving things so I am always tripping over them and falling down. I think Beans is in on it. She never trips and falls.
Obviously I have failed in my vigilance- the humans are besting me and making me look foolish. Sometimes they say things like “Poor old girl” and “Hey Lucy, are you alright?” when they’ve tripped me but I know their sympathy is a mockery.
It is a cruel joke to play on an old dog.
The woman, she is not my mother, rather my step-mother, insists we play a game called booper snoot. In this game, I am made most undignified until a few minutes of time have passed and she relinquishes the game.
Booper snoot is clearly a game meant for puppies. It is not for those as dignified as I am.